Sometimes You Just Have to Let Go ....

As someone with a bachelor's degree in early childhood who is currently working as an early childhood educator, the writer of a parenting blog, and all my years of babysitting experience, I believe that I sometimes expect perfection from myself as a parent. Because of this, I know that I create undue anxiety when it comes to doing certain things with my almost three year old son. Often times I find myself overthinking an upcoming event over and over playing out different outcomes so that I am prepared for whatever may happen when the actual event arrives only to laugh at myself because the event comes                                                                                        and goes without any hiccups. For example ......

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..... some of you may know that last week I travelled via airplane with my son to Flordia. I already am uneasy with travelling, so adding an active toddler to that task had me in quite a frenzy. How was I going to make sure he sat in his seat the entire flight? How was I going to make sure that he didn't have meltdown ten minutes into a 2 ½ hour flight? How was I going to make sure sure that I wasn't going to be thaaaaaaat parent everyone was cursing out while cruising thousands of miles in the sky with no way to escape? Truth is that it is impossible to guarantee that these scenarios would not become my reality and that if they did become my reality then I would have to accept that there would literally be nothing I could do to change the situation. I would just have to sit back and wait for the nightmare to be over. So how did that flight go you may be wondering? It was AMAZING from start to finish. Andrew sat like a seasoned traveller - he even read the safety brochures! He colored, he snacked, made friends with a little boy nearby and the grandma he was sitting next to, and he even had a flight certificate signed by the pilot and flight attendants. He was the most perfect little boy - more so than I could have ever imagined or hoped for. 

​The next day, we went to the beach with the family and once again I doubted my son. When discussing the plan to go to the beach the night before I immediately went into anxiety mode verbalizing my fears that Andrew would want to spend all day in the water (not something I was wanting to do) and not only spend all day, but that I would have to be right there with him to keep him from going too far into the water in order to keep him safe. No matter how much I dreaded visiting the beach, morning came and off we went. Upon arriving, Andrew was in pure heaven as soon as his feet hit the sand. He immediately threw himself down upon it and starting rolling around in it (which is his typical M.O. when he sees sand). I selfishly encouraged him to play in the sand, but eventually he couldn't fight the urge to go down to the water (anyone who knows my son knows how much he LOVES water) so off we went. I held his hand. He dipped his toes in the water and a big smile came across his face and at that point I knew I was going to have to to get wet. I stayed out of the water as much as possible, stretching out my arm as far as it could go being sure not to let go because I just KNEW that he was going to take that freedom and run full speed dangerously into the water. For those who personally know me, you know I am NOT a helicopter mom. I am very laid back and believe in natural consequences and tough love, but I just could not - would not - give Andrew the freedom to be independent in the water UNTIL he wrestled his hand free from mine. For a minute, I panicked and quickly reached out to grab his hand, but then I took a breath and realized that he hadn't moved. He was still standing right next to me. He was safe. He hadn't run dangerously into the water. We played down by the water, collecting seashells, splashing in the waves, and eventually when he had had enough ran back into the sand and had the time of his life. 

You may be wondering why I'm sharing these experiences with all of you. I am sharing them because even though I may be considered "the expert" in the early childhood field, I am just like all of you. I am learning the ropes of parenting and I am not perfect. I will make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. And that is why I am sharing these experiences. This past week traveling with my son taught me that I NEED to stop worrying about things outside of my control. If he has a meltdown in public, in front of my family, while running errands, while out to eat, that that does not mean that I am failing or doing something wrong - it just means that he is a toddler trying to figure out this crazy thing we call life. These experiences taught me that I need to take a step back sometime and give my son the opportunity to show me that he is capable of being independent as he grows and develops and stay safe at the same time. Similarly to 'Off Leash Training' a dog, these experiences have shown me that I need to loosen the reins a bit and give my son the freedom to be more independent and trust that he will be okay and if he isn't ready for that much freedom, I know that I am still right there to keep him safe and rein him back in to safety. Children can only grow and develop if we allow them the opportunities to do so. 

To sum things up, what I am trying to say is that rather than worrying about the "what ifs" and the "what could happens", try to live each moment in the moment and deal with the hard times as they occur. Let your children be children. Let them off the leash. Give them freedoms. Give them independence. Allow them to mess up and when they do stand back and observe to see how they handle things before jumping in right away. I may be "the expert", but I am still learning and will always be learning and what I learned during this trip was that my son was more capable of things than I believed him to be and because of that I was truly doing a disservice to him. I learned that I need to stop worrying about things out of my control because odds are things won't ever go as poorly as I imagine them to go in reality. I learned that I need to stop worrying about what others think and just live the best life possible with my son by my side - even if that means I have to let go of his hand from time to time even when I don't want to. 

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**Andrew, Mommy promises to let go of your hand when you need me to, but please know that Mommy will always be within grabbing distance if you need me. Always. No matter what.**