 Parent, chef, teacher, referee, employee, housecleaner, nurse. As parents we are all of those things day in and day out, but now more than ever as our children have been mandated to be home from school due to COVID19. Today is the 13th day home and in my area schools are not scheduled to resume for another 12 days (though I have a strong feeling that the return date will be extended again and that we will be home for much longer). COVID19 has not only affected schools, but also many businesses which has forced some people, such as myself, into temporary unemployment while others are now working from home while trying to supervise their children while others are mandated to report to work causing a dilemma on how to provide childcare for their children with daycares and schools shut down. Some of you may be trying to keep up with your children's academics while others may be taking this time to relax with the family while others are just trying to get through each day one minute at a time. No matter what situation COVID19 has placed you into, we are all learning how to adapt our lives to our children being home much more than usual. Whether you have one child or multiple children, parents everywhere are feeling the stress brought on by this dramatic change, but we will get through this. One strategy to help us get through this time is to help our children become their own problem solvers rather than them running to us for their every need. . I want you to take a couple of minutes and think back to a time when your child(ren) had a problem. Perhaps he/she couldn't open his/her cheese stick on his/her own or perhaps his/her brother was playing with the toy that he/she wanted? What events ensued due to this problem? Was your child able to come up with a solution on his/her own or were you needed to help solve the issue? Are you happy with the outcome or could you have handled the situation differently? Whether you are a parent of a toddler, a preschool, or of school-aged children, it is important that we give them the tools to help them learn to problem solve on their own because we won't always be there to handle every problem that comes their way. Check out this handout from BetterCareKids.com - it discusses five different ways that adults problem solve for children along with problems that come with each method. Which method do you typically use in your own home? Is there a different method that you would like to try out? Comment below. I'm interested in hearing what works (or doesn't work) for you.
So, how exactly do you teach children to problem solve? You need to start with the basics and teach them about emotions. Give them the words to help them express how they are feeling - be sure not to tell them how they should feel or how they are feeling. Help them work through their own emotions through modeling, mirror play, using pictures until they are able to express exactly how they are feeling and then help them to try and elaborate on WHY they are feeling that way. For example, "I feel angry because Johnny took my car and I wasn't done playing with it yet." Once your child is able to identify their own emotions and express why they are feeling that way then they can begin to learn how to read other people's emotions. A great way to teach children this is through role-play and by asking questions. Another wonderful handout from BetterCareKids.com is this one titled "Step-by-Step Problem Solving With Children" and it shares four steps to help children to problem solve. To paraphrase, first step is to stop the problem, second is to ask each child what can be done to fix the problem, third is to have the children agree on a positive solution, and fourth is to follow through. I highly recommend checking it out and trying out this method at home. For those of you with older children, you can even print it out and discuss it with them. Create your own worksheet so that when they have a problem they can pull out a worksheet and go through the steps on their own and then if they are still struggling to problem solve then and only then they can come to you as the parent rather than going to you first. As always, this strategy is not going to take form overnight. It will take some practice and most importantly consistency from you as the parent to make it become a habit in your household. Some days it may be easier to play the role of the sergeant rather than the role of the peacemaker (roles described from the first handout), but keep in mind that the more you work with your children to become their own problem solvers, the easier it will get for them and the more you can take a backseat to solving their issues. For now, keep your heads up and stay strong as you continue to adjust to life during the COVID19 quarantine. Some days will be more trying than others, but if at the end of the day you have the same number of children tucked in at bedtime as you did at the beginning of the day then you have successfully conquered that day of parenting. Take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back, and just continue to be the best you can each day even if today's best wasn't the same as yesterday's best. Stay healthy, wash your hands, and please stop hoarding the toilet paper!
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