 As someone with a bachelor's degree in early childhood who is currently working as an early childhood educator, the writer of a parenting blog, and all my years of babysitting experience, I believe that I sometimes expect perfection from myself as a parent. Because of this, I know that I create undue anxiety when it comes to doing certain things with my almost three year old son. Often times I find myself overthinking an upcoming event over and over playing out different outcomes so that I am prepared for whatever may happen when the actual event arrives only to laugh at myself because the event comes and goes without any hiccups. For example ......
0 Comments
 I'm sitting here on my couch working on my next blog post (which now will wait to be released) when I decide to take a social media break and scroll through my Facebook newsfeed and come across this post from my former assistant teacher (Adam Ryan) when I taught Head Start. I must have re-read it about 5 times before I finally commented and asked him if I could share his thoughts on my parenting blog because I found it to be so brilliant. Such a powerful analogy:
"Relating my students to pistachios ..... Happy New Year! I promised I would get back to writing my own content in the new year, so I figured that the first of 2020 would be a good time to keep that promise and so here I am .... The close of 2019 not only brought the end of a year, but also the end of a decade. Through social media, I've seen many people reflecting on their last ten years, but don't worry, I promise not to make you all read about my last ten years - mainly because I'd be typing into the wee early hours of the morning and nobody has time for that.
Anyway, the close of 2019 and the start of 2020 did get me thinking about resolutions and I even reached out on my WILDtoCHILD Facebook page to see what some of your resolutions included. Though I didn't receive as much feedback as I had hoped for, I did gain some insight as to what my followers and readers are looking for in regards to parenting this year. To generalize from the feedback I received, my followers and readers want to enjoy parenting more in the coming year and decade. You want to enjoy the time you have with your children now while they are little before you blink and they are taking the car out for a spin and you want to be the best parent you can even when the going gets tough. So, with that I wanted to say to all of you that YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB EACH AND EVERY DAY! Try to remember that even when you feel like you are failing as a parent, to your child(ren) you are the BEST parent in the entire world - even those of you with older children who may tell you otherwise. We all struggle sometimes and that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad parent - it just makes you a tired and overwhelmed parent. Take a few deep breaths when the going gets tough and reach out to your village if need help. Don't have a village? Of course you do, you just don't know it yet! Start with me. I'll be your village - I am here to help whether you need to vent or whether you need advice or whether you need some company. Don't hesitate to ask for help! So, how do you enjoy your time with your little ones now before they are "too cool" to hang with their parents? Maybe a better question is how do you enjoy your time with your little ones while they are testing your patience day in and day out? My answer to that is to try and remember that they are little and that they aren't intentionally trying to make you lose your mind - they are curious and they are exploring this new and exciting world. They are trying to figure out what is and what isn't allowed and trying to figure out cause-and-effect through different actions. Our job is to help them explore this world safely, to teach them ways to cope when they become frustrated, ways to problem solve when they get stuck, ways to grow into independent young adults that can make smart and safe decisions. So next time they are throwing a temper tantrum, try to remember that they are are little and have most likely become overwhelmed by the situation or perhaps they are upset because things didn't go the way that they had anticipated and it threw off their schema of what they expected and that was the straw that broke the camel's back and now your little one is feeling flustered because they hadn't mentally prepared themselves for what ended up occurring instead. For example, your toddler expected to have chicken nuggets for dinner and had been thinking about those chicken nuggets all afternoon so when you put a plate of spaghetti on the table instead your toddler started screaming and yelling and throwing a tantrum. To you as the parent, it may not seem like a big deal, but to your child who had been thinking all day about the yummy nuggets it seems like the end of the world and they are feeling disappointed. Perhaps your child does not have the vocabulary or the experience to express that disappointed so the only way your toddler can do so is to scream and cry. I know how easy it is to become frustrated as the parent in this situation, but try to take a breath and remember that to your toddler, this is a big deal. This is NOT what they expected and your child should be allowed to feel disappointment. Now is when you work with your child to work through their disappointment, validate your child's feelings, and then work through this moment together. The words "I understand you wanted" will be your best friend here. Help dig to the root of the problem and then validate your child's feelings by saying, "I understand that you wanted to eat chicken nuggets for dinner tonight, however we are eating spaghetti. I understand that that makes you feel disappointed/sad/mad/angry/upset/etc., but we can have chicken nuggets another night." My best advice is to allow your child to feel whatever way they feel and teach them ways to appropriately express those feelings rather than telling them they need to calm down and be happy. Try to remember they your child is little and struggling over this problem rather than taking it personally and feeling like your child is acting out just to drive you crazy. Work through the situation then move on with your night rather than dwelling on that one moment in an otherwise pleasant day and I assure you that you will be able to work through the difficult times and enjoy the rest of the moments. Welcome to 2020. In a typical year we get 525,600 minutes to spend with our children. This year we gain an extra day giving us 527,040 minutes with our children. How will you choose to spend that time with them? Eventually I’ll get back to writing myself, but I came across an article written by Rachel Gorton titled "How I Figured Out What My Child's Tantrum Was *Really* About" and it was such a great read. I’m always telling parents and teachers that digging down to the root of the problem is so important because often times what triggered the tantrum/outburst/etc. isn’t the actual problem, but just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
|
